“Stop wallowing!” “Lethargy breeds lethargy!” “Crying doesn’t help!”
If you’ve been through depression you might recognise some of these well intentioned but severely unhelpful platitudes. And while keeping your mind and body active is an integral part of battling the black dog, being told to stop ‘moping about’ when you’re feeling genuinely terrible is about as useful as instructing a plant not to grow towards the light.
Sometimes you just need to fester in your own misery a little. Roll around and get utterly disgusting in the filth of your own sadness and self-pity – then dust yourself off and get on with the day. Got a pounding headache? Stiff shoulders? Ringing ears? It could be your body’s way of telling you to release all that accumulated tension through a good old fashioned weep. It helps me, every time.
When I crave release through tears I like to listen to melancholy songs. Thinking about your favourite aardvark dying, or what life would be like if Hollyoaks was axed from TV just doesn’t do it for me – I need mournful, anguished crooning to send me into a watery abyss. Here are some of my favourite tracks to listen to when I need to get in touch with my inner sad:
Al Green – How can you mend a broken heart?
Remember that bit in Notting Hill where Hugh Grant and his floppy hair are sad after Julia Roberts chooses her arsehole boyfriend over them? Cue lots of dark, dolorous shots of poor Hugh moping around London by himself, being mournful, to the tune of Al Green. Which is just the perfect song to soundtrack the misery of unrequited love. “How can you mend a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down?” You can’t, Al, you JUST can’t.
Bonnie Raitt – I can’t make you love me
This song’s been covered so many times people are often surprised when they hear the original. It’s my favourite version anyway – romantically tragic, beautifully sung and a real tweaker of heartstrings.
John Martyn – May you never
Of all John Martyn’s down-tempo songs, this one reaches deep into my soul. It’s just so tender and full of love. And that guitar… Sigh.
Michael Bolton – I said I loved you but I lied
I didn’t say they were all respectable songs, did I? The song always manages to get me a bit emotional, but really I wanted to share this one for the music video. Ponies galloping on the beach, flames, EAGLES. Michael Bolton’s lustrous golden locks blowing in the wind while he does his Jesus-standing-on-a-big-rock pose. It’s magic.
Elliott Smith – Needle in the hay
Songs Ohia – Farewell transmission
This gently lilting song conjures up slowly meandering rivers and flickering moonlight. To me, anyway. And the lead singer, Jason Molina, tragically died last year after a long battle with alcoholism – making it all the more poignant.
Tony Rich Project – Nobody knows
There is no-one sadder than Tony Rich (is that his name?) in the known universe. That is all.
Unknown Mortal Orchestra – Swim and sleep (like a shark)
There’s something eerie and spine chilling about this song that has my tear ducts overflowing in no time. I think it’s just too beautiful for me to handle.
Regina Spektor – Somedays
I’m a sucker for a bit of melancholy piano and this is one of my Spektor favourites. I like to listen to this if I’ve had a particularly shit day and just need to revel in how truly rubbish it’s been, just for a little while.
The Dresden Dolls – The jeep song
I love this song more than words can say. The singer is haunted by the spectre of a past love – in the form of his black jeep – and belts out fantastic lines like “I guess it’s just my stupid luck, that all of Boston drives the same black fucking truck”. We can all relate to feeling awful every time you see something that reminds you of an old flame, and this song’s the perfect distillation of that one very particular, uncomfortable emotion.
Robyn Hitchcock – End of time
Sadness tinged with hope, beauty touched with despair…it feels like I should be swaying with a glowing lighter in hand when this song plays. Maybe it’s a bit weird to do that in my living room…
Eva Cassidy – Songbird